Doki Doki:Dusk to Dawn
by yourheartbreakinapril
Summary: This is a story about tragedy, loss, new beginnings, recovery and friendship. In this story, you will meet a certain girl with peach-colored hair who doesn't know her place in the world. You will see her story through the her own eyes and the eyes of a person she befriends. They each have their struggles and their own tragedys but they also have each other. A journey awaits them!
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

My story started on September 22nd, 2000. I was the only child my parents would ever conceive. Due to this fact, my childhood was a bit lonely. My parents always provided for me, as every good parent should, but I was still left with that longing for something more. No matter what new toy I was bought or story I was read at night or new activity I was introduced to, that hole was ever present and it grew larger over time, not smaller.

I never really had friends growing up. My parents, my father in particular, had a job that meant we had to move quite a lot so I was never really in one place long enough to make friendships that would last. As a result I spent most of my childhood isolating myself as I didn't want to set myself, or anyone else more importantly, up to be hurt because of a situation I couldn't control and circumstances I had no say in. I had moved 3 times by the time I turned 8 years old.

When I was around 10 years old, my parents began to have disputes over the tiniest things. I would go to bed every night and the soundtrack I would fall asleep to was no longer the innocent bedtime stories that they would both tell me before kissing me on my forehead and tucking me in for the night. What would start an evening long argument between them would be something as trivial as a dish not being washed. This would escalate into them raising voices and sending me to my room where I would remain for hours, not having a clue what was going on. I hated it and longed for the peaceful days of my early childhood to return.

Eventually, it got so bad that my parents could not even co-exist enough to be in the same room as each other. My father often stormed out the night before a business trip and didn't return for up to a week or two. This led my mother to come to all sorts of conclusions in her head, none of which were ever proven true by the way. They eventually got to the point where they got so disregarding of their surroundings that debates would last deep into the night. They would scream their lungs out at each other until 2 or 3am.

After some time, a letter came in the post with an obnoxiously large red stamp on it with words, with a context I would not understand until later on, printed in a blood red ink.

"Regarding Tennancy."

In a move that I had became accustomed to over the years, we had to leave our home. This time, however, was different. We were not going as a family. That bond between us had been broken a long time ago.

My memory from that time is very fragmented and I'm guessing the reason for that is anxiety. I never knew what was going to happen or how the arguments would end or when I would be sent to my room or how long I would have to listen to the non-stop shrieking of my mother's high-pitched voice or the booming of the bass tone of my father's. Of course, the biggest debate of all was yet to come.

My father wanted me to move with him to Europe as he was set to receive a promotion in the company he worked for. He wouldn't have to move as much and had arrangements in place if he did.

My mom wanted me to stay with her but she only had a part-time job so her income was a lot less than my father's but I had the promise of a more stable life.

To make a long story short, they got divorced. They both fought tooth and nail to get custody of me. Both of them knew that joint custody was not going to be an option. It was all or nothing and, from what I've been told, it was a bitter battle. Dad had money but Mom had stability. However, in the end, it was decided that neither was fit to have custody so I was left to the state.

The only constant I had had in my life was gone. My parents separated in one of the most bitter ways possible. I didn't know what came next. I was too young to comprehend it. All I knew was that my parents were gone. I was put in what can only be described as an orphange. I didn't stay for long but I hated every moment of it.

I moved to the city to live with my maternal grandparents for reasons I struggled to understand. At first I was told I was only going to be there for a while, that my parents would be back eventually.

My 13th birthday came and I celebrated with my grandmother, my grandfather and my stuffed animal that I had owned since I was a baby. It was the only piece of my parents I had left and I think I kept it as it helped me feel secure I guess. My grandparents were old at the time. They were easily into their seventies. They always had young minds though. They had lived in the village we were in for the previous twenty years and they wanted something new. So, again, I moved.

When I made it to my new home, I didn't expect much. I would enroll in a new school and isolate myself from everyone as I had done over the years. I would keep my head down, do my work and everything would be fine.

Although the start of my life had been one of the worst starts a child could have in this world, mentally at least, I didn't expect much to happen for the rest of middle school and not a lot really did. However, during my first year of high school, my life, as it was, changed.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

I started High School just after my 14th birthday. I began what would be the most tumultuous 4 years of my life not expecting a lot. My plan for getting through it was pretty much the same as it had been for Middle School. Keep my head down, don't interact unnecessarily, get good grades and everything would be fine. College would be an option, I would have the opportunity to get a good career and life would be as much of a breeze as it could be for me.

It was never going to be that easy though. But they do say, the things that are worth getting in life are never easy to achieve.

Nobody cared about me in middle school because I was never really noticable. I never stuck around for long as it was and I had been to a different elementary as the rest of the kids so I wasn't exactly on their radars. In High School however, it was like a clean slate. Everyone had been to different Middle Schools so my excuse from before was not going to work here.

Obviously, being a loner, I became a bit of a target. It didn't take long for basically everyone to isolate me anyway. I almost preferred it that way as it meant I didn't have to deal with anyone. Soon after though, I got the unwanted attention I had been dreading.

One day, I made the mistake of bumping into a senior. A jock. An important member of a few teams. He was untouchable. Everyone loved him so it's not like I could go to a teacher and complain. He was the star of a lot of clubs that were very important to the school too. This guy was going to have his way with me and nobody would say otherwise. They would look the other way.

Needless to say, the next few months and, pretty much, the remainder of the year were not a good time for me. That wasn't even the worst part.

My grandparents, the only people I had left and my last line of support, were aging. I guess the stress of taking in a child full-time when your body is degrading is not the best thing for your health. My grandmother fell ill. The kind of ill that costs a lot of money and isn't something that you recover from easily.

Her first incident occured about halfway through my first year of High School. She had a mini heart attack that resulted in her being hospitalised for a few weeks due to her age and decreasing health. It was during that period that I, basically, lived on my own for the first time in my life. My grandfather didn't want to leave his wife's side which, obviously, is understandable. I didn't become an afterthought as such but it felt like I was pushed to the side for a bit.

It was during those weeks where I spent the majority of my time alone that I began to really think about my life. I would get up in the morning, go to school, come home, eat sometimes and go to my room at about 6pm and not come out of there until the next morning when I would repeat the routine all over again. The soundtrack I would fall asleep to was drastically different from that of my early childhood. Instead of screaming and voices filled with disgust and resentment, a deafening silence took its place. I longed for something, anything, to fill that void but there was nothing, no-one.

It was the result of my actions. It was my fault. I'm the one to blame. If it wasn't for me, my parents might still be together. They might have been happy. I ruined that. Surely I did. People don't just fall out of love for no reason. The only reason there could have been was me. It's the same way now. My Gran is in the hospital because of the stress I've caused her. My grandfather is under intense amounts of stress that could have him end up in the same situation as gran, all because of me. They would have stayed in the isolated corner of the old city if I hadn't come along. They would be living in peace, without stress as they had been. If I didn't look so stupid and look like a fool and was like an actual human being, I wouldn't be getting bullied because I wouldn't have been on my own so no attention would be on me. If I wasn't so undesirable, maybe some of the girls would talk to me. Everyone in my life would be better off if I had never been born. I'm worthless. My life has no purpose. What could someone like me possibly achieve in life? I'm a nobody. I ruined my parents lives, I ruined my grandparents lives, I ruin everything. There's no-one to blame but me.

I cried myself to sleep most night, begging to get away from the feeling of isolation and lonliness that had sunk its claws into me for the previous 4 years of my life. At the same time, I didn't want anyone to come along. I was afraid of what would happen if they did. I couldn't take ruining another life.

What I'm trying to say is, during my gran's stint in hospital, I discovered my previously dormant depression for the first time. I didn't care about anything during the day, my grades became even worse than they already had been, I couldn't eat, sleep and I was barely functioning. I felt as though I had nothing to live for. Whenever I did fall asleep, I was harassed by nightmares. All my worst experiences, the divorce, the bullying, the isolation, the bullying, the anxiety. All of it would haunt me throughout the night.

Eventually, my gran was released and my grandparents came home. For the first time, I hid my emotions. They couldn't find out. I would stress them even more. I'd hurt Gran again. This was my punishment for being a burden. It was mine to deal with and mine alone. If I couldn't naturally be happy, I would fake it. For my grandparent's sakes.

As my first year of High School came to a close, I regained some sense of normality in my life. I was still feeling down the whole time but I learned to deal with it. My grades stabilised and I was allowed to progress to the next year. However, my bullying became so bad and tormenting, more for my grandparents than me, that I couldn't see myself going back to that school.

There was, luckily, another school in my city that was about a half an hour away. I would be able to transfer there with my grades and my grandparent's permission. I hadn't been to that part of the city yet so I didn't really know my way around which is why I was going to visit in a few weeks. I would spend a few days there to get my bearings and I would stay in the home of one of the school's administration members. For the first time in a long time, I was excited about change in my life. This was my last chance to make myself look like a half decent person. I wanted to meet people and I wanted to try my best to become part of a friend group.

I didn't want to be on my own anymore and I was going to do everything in my power to make sure I wasn't!


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter Three

My mind likes to wander a lot. My mind, to me, is a very funny thing. It recalls the weirdest things at the strangest and, sometimes, the most inconvienient times. These events that I remember may have happened during that day but they also may have happened years previously and they just come back with no trigger at all. However, lately it has been happening more and more often.

I've read about premonitions and people dreaming the events that happen in their lives before they do but I personally just can't believe it. If your whole life is planned out for you by some "higher power" and I've only had it easy so far, then I don't know what to do. If I could look ahead and I only saw more negative, I wouldn't be able to cope. Compared to others my struggle obviously has not been that hard but to me that turmoil, that inner turmoil is something I still struggle with every day and having to keep it all in doesn't make things any better.

I keep coming back to this one time when I was about 6 years old and I lived in a small town with my parents and there was this little park in the centre of the place and it had these yellow monkey bars which, looking back on it, were not that high up at all but at the time it felt like you would die if you fell from them. They were scary but in a good way. That sounds very contradictory but whatever.

The park was about an acre big which, for a park, is a pretty decent size. Considering the size of this park, you would think that there would be more than enough kids for it to always be busy and for there to be whining children looking to go on certain things all the time, right? Well you would be wrong there. While these amazing monkey bars were a beautiful yellow and they seemed so high up, they were very creaky and, if you looked close enough, you could see specks of rust beginning to form on them. The park had been there for decades before my family had moved to what was once a village. It had become a small industrial town over the years as it was in close proximity to a few of the bigger towns and cities and this meant instead of families and children living here, businesses and firms were finding a home here in their place.

The memory of one particular day has stuck in my mind for the past while. My parents were both working so I was wandering the streets and came to the park which, at this point, I had never seen before as I was pretty new. It was the most amazing thing I had ever seen. Not everything was all sunshine and rainbows though. The memory gets really fuzzy here for some reason.

As I was about to walk past this magnificent park, I heard sobbing of some sort. What I saw next caught me by surprise. A girl about my age at the time had her arms wrapped around one of her knees and was crying without showing any sign of stopping so I responded in the only way I knew how. I went over to her to try to find out what was wrong and she tells me that she fell and scraped her knee and I find out that she's actually on her own too. I try to help her as best as I can and I can vaguely remember us running around afterwards but the memory ends there. I didn't find out her name or anything.

She had hair that was the most delicate shade of pink you can imagine, and then some. She had sapphire eyes that you could stare into all day and you would never get tired of them. She had a hastily tied red ribbon holding her fringe back from falling down her face and everything about her screamed innocence.

This dream is a rather pleasant one compared to the dreams I have had and sometimes continue to have but I'm always left feeling the same throughout the dream. Sure, the nice parts are wonderful and all but the dream starts very bitter. Who likes seeing a young, helpless girl crying? The worst part is that there is no definitive end to this "fantasy" of sorts. It just cuts off like someone who has plugged the TV out suddenly before repeating, over and over again and the end result, when I wake up, is always the same.

I'm left yearning.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter Four

I woke up the next morning having gotten, at most, maybe three or four hours of broken sleep. I couldn't shake that dream and I still haven't been able to. I tried going on my phone but what with me having basically no social life at all, that did not last long. I tried to get back into a book I've been reading but I couldn't concentrate and I was not taking any of it in. Having exhausted all my other options, I headed for the shower to try to wash it all away.

I tend to think more clearly when I'm in the shower. I have never been able to figure out why that is though. As I let the water run down my body and flow into the drain as gravity has its way, I begin to think again.

Why is that dream coming back to me now more than ever?

Why do I feel like that person is someone important?

Why do I feel a connection to her?

Where in this world could she be?

That feeling of yearning has not left since I woke up nearly 3 hours ago at this point

I dreamed about her from last night's dusk to this morning's dawn.

I don't love her. How could I? I don't even know her. Maybe it's some weird form of admiration? I wasn't even with her for two hours though.

It's a loop that keeps on repeating. I keep thinking about it, asking myself these questions over and over and I get this weird feeling in my chest that I'm not sure I have ever felt before. It isn't love, I know that much.

I want to know more about her.

I want to talk with her.

I want to see her!

Or do I?

I already have enough going on right now! The last thing I need is more emotional baggage on my plate. I'm moving school and I might end up possibly moving to the village if I need to which means I'll need to look for a job while trying to maintain whatever friends I can make, if I can make them.

UGH! I'm already going down a rabbit hole of thought. Thinking about this sort of thing for a prolonged period of time really is not healthy for me.

Also, I've been in the shower for five whole minutes, which felt like an eternity by the way, and I haven't even begun cleaning myself yet! I will be killed if I use all the hot water. As I began washing, finally, I tried to imagine myself scrubbing the thoughts of this mystery girl away. I also tried picturing myself placing a barrier of sorts on myself from her. It is the most stupid thing, I know, but although it might come across as me being superstitious I just wanted her to get out of my head.

After about ten minutes of doing this until I felt numb in my arms, I emerged from the shower with slightly fewer thoughts of her but she was still there! I went downstairs to get breakfast before heading out only to find that both the cupboards and fridge were empty apart from some leftover soba. My head is a mess, my life is a mess and even my diet is a mess. This would normally have been where self-deprecating humor would come into play. However, it was almost as if the girl was jealous that my brain was about to think of something other than her.

Having been put off my breakfast by worries I might be losing my sanity, I left the house to head for the train station. Today is the day I go to familiarise myself with the village my new school is in!

I have not used public transport nearly enough to be familiar with the different routes and numbers. It's all still confusing to me. The best thing to do in this situation is to ask around and see if there is anyone who can help.

As I made my way through the station asking people, I felt a presence. I'm not quite sure what it is. At first, I thought nothing of it. I thought it was a breeze that might be sending that slight chill down my spine. It could be my anxiety flaring up again but I've done this before. It isn't my first time. Maybe it's the fact that I'm going to a new town? The next train leaves at eleven and it's already ten-fifty. If I don't find my way soon, I'll have to wait even longer. I don't have anyone to meet on the other side but I'd rather not lose any time regardless.

After searching for five more minutes and finding no other passenger who was willing to help me, I gave up hope. I'll just go home and check the place out another day. I'll have to research the timetables and find out how the system actually works. If I go home too early though, my grandparents will find out and I do not need them to be worrying about me again. If I can't go home what will I do? There's only so much I can do in this stupid small town without running into someone who knows me.

I can't do that.

I don't want to.

They'll make fun of me again!

I deserve it but that doesn't make me feel any better about it!

I can feel my body prepping the exact same way it always does. My heart is pounding in my chest, my breathing is quickening and becoming shallow and I can't focus on what is in front of me because my eyes are darting around the place trying to see if there's anyone else who wants to judge me.

Maybe I am going crazy!

There's no point in even trying to work on something like this.

Without even realizing it, I had sat myself down on a bench so I guess there's that at least. I just need to try rationalize everything and calm myself down. Getting hyped up here will not do me any favors but I feel like my head is about to explode! I always end up going into my own world when I find myself in a situation like this. Is it a defence mechanism? Who knows? I don't question it. Whatever will happen will happen. It's like I go deaf and blind momentarily. I felt that presence again and it brought a bittersweet feeling this time. I felt as though I should be sad for some reason but I couldn't tell why. All I do know is that it brought me back to my senses.

However, what came next was like a permanent miracle cure for my temporary disabilities. I will never forget the words that would dispel the fog that had ensnared my mind for so long because they were the words I had always wanted to hear. Just knowing someone cares, even if it is only for a second, even if they are a complete stranger brought to me a sense of relief I will never be able to convey with words.

"Are you okay?"

Brick by brick, word by word, my walls were being torn down.


End file.
